I am on YouTube all the time, and one of my guilty pleasures is watching court shows. Eboni K. Williams is one of my favorite judges. During one court case, she revealed that she chose to become a mother on her own. She told a woman that it was okay to take the journey into motherhood solo. I was shocked—but not because I disagreed with her choice.
I think I was surprised because Eboni is beautiful, successful, accomplished, and confident. In my mind, I assumed a woman like her would have no problem finding love, getting married, and starting a family. Then again…ain’t that how it goes sometimes? You can do everything “right,” build a beautiful life, and still find that your timeline does not look the way you imagined it would.
Eboni had previously frozen her eggs. After her engagement ended, she decided that she was not going to give up on motherhood simply because she did not have a partner. She used donor sperm and IVF, became pregnant at 40, and welcomed her daughter, Liberty, at 41. She chose not to wait for someone else to make her a mother.
You can watch Eboni discuss her decision here. This is also the court episode that originally caught my attention.
And yes, I am still down to jump that man if anyone wants to join me. LOL! All jokes aside, becoming a single mother by choice is a major decision. It may involve fertility testing, donor selection, treatment expenses, legal considerations, childcare planning, and building a strong support system. It can also require a woman to let go of the picture she once had in her head of how motherhood was “supposed” to happen.
But for some women, waiting for the right relationship may also mean risking the opportunity to become a mother at all. There is no one correct path to motherhood. Some women become mothers inside loving marriages. Some co-parent. Some adopt. Some use donor sperm or embryos. Some pursue IVF alone. Others decide that motherhood is not the right journey for them.
The real question is whether we can give women the freedom to make that decision without shame. Would you ever consider becoming a single mother by choice? Or is raising a child with a partner an important part of the motherhood experience for you?
Let’s talk about it in the comments. Thinking about your own path to motherhood? Join the Oh Baby Fertility Newsletter for honest conversations, encouragement, and a free fertility guide.